Get Thee to a Nunnery - But Don't Forget the Condoms

Hamlet's immortal refrain to his former lover Ophelia, Get thee to a nunnery, has been interpreted by some that Shakespeare referred to a brothel. While the majority of scholars reject the idea, it is admissible as a candidate given that convents during the Middle Ages were generally houses of  ill repute.

Historical revisionist Anatoly Fomenko has documented many contemporary descriptions about convents throughout Europe during the Middle Ages as nothing more than flimsily disguised brothels, and many times not even with that much discretion. The Virgin Mary was probably more accurately named the Vagina Mary.

Before you vibrate too much, we understand that Fomenko is considered by many as nothing more than a crank at best, by some as incompetent, though his citations are valid and proper, and they mesh well with the writings of Dr Ernest Martin who observed the ribald, if not obscene, natures of the cathedrals of Europe. Their bawdy graphics were an open secret - if not scandal - throughout Europe, depicting as they did various human genitalia and sexual acts.

If that is not enough, we should note that Wikipedia even maintains a list of sexually active popes, as we note in our reference section. Finally, many of our readers will recall the many pedophilia scandals which have rocked the allegedly chaste institution.

Returning to the evidence, Fomenko cites Alexander Paradisis, The Life and Activity of Balthazar Cossa (Pope John XXIII), quoting Fomenko's quote,

...the decadency in the church and its morals attained grandiose proportions. .. The nuns' clothing didn't help austerity either, since it served to emphasize their natural beauty and gracefulness... Nearly all Italian monasteries [according to Rodocanachi] allowed male visitors... As for Venetian monasterIes - Casanova is not the only source of information in what regards those; St. Didier writes that "nothing attracted as much interest in Venice as the monasteries." Noblemen have been frequent Visitors there, too. Since all of the nuns were beautiful and clean-limbed, none of them went without a lover...

Referring to Charles Louis Polnitz, Fomenko writes,

...and that their bosoms were only covered when they sang in church choir. The garments worn by the Roman nuns also weren't exactly characterized by demureness; as for the Florentine nuns, the prior of a friary who had visited Florence writes that they resembled mythical nymphs rather than "brides of Christ" 

And to beat a dead horse, we will mention one final quote of the hanky panky of the Roman Catholic Church, again quoting Fomenko,

The eminent humanist Giovanni Pontano tells us that in Valencia the Spaniards had free access to the convents, and that it was hard to differentiate between these holy tabernacles and houses of ill repute. Settenbrie, who studied the last collection of Masuccio's works, writes that the book The Conjugality Monks and Nuns had been withdrawn from circulation, and entered the list of the books forbidden by the Catholic Church, while its author was anathematized" ([ 645], pages 162-164).

Fomenko proceeds to cite speculations that these large scale orgies, or as he calls them, Bacchanalian Dionysian cult celebrations, may have been the origins or the facilitators of the bubonic plagues - even venereal disease - which swept Europe, forcing the church to clamp down on the activity through the Inquisition.

Whether one accepts that interpretation or not is neither here nor there. The fact is that statuary, contemporary reports, and art works found in Medieval Bibles support the notion of a very libertine church, and may explain the great popularity of Catholicism during these darkest of ages.

When the church took away the booze and the women, the clergy turned to little boys and god only knows what from the deep torrent of filth, lies, and obscenities which emanate from the Holy See.

Reference

Wikipedia contributors. "List of sexually active popes." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, 15 May. 2021. Web. 29 May. 2021.

Copyright 2021 Tony Bonn. All rights reserved.